Conceal It

Conceal what's agonizing,

For it will make you look,

Vulnerable and puny,

To cry over petty things.

Stop it,

Sensitivity will never help,

So coat your heart,

Cover it with a blanket,

To comfort yourself.

Grow up,

Get over it,

Forget it,

Small matter it is.

A Leap of Faith

The pain is overwhelming,

As I sit motionlessly,

Listening to every bicker,

Absorbing them like a sponge,

Without uttering a word,

That could be recorded as a sin,

By the angels of my left and right.

"I told you so",

In every statement you throw out,

Only to make me realize,

The mistakes that I knew were mine;

A very long time ago.

Did you know my struggle;

Having to wake up the nights you didn't,

And cry in my supplications,

To beg for strength,

From the One who I disobeyed then?

Did you see the minor changes;

That I tried to make,

The willingness for me,

To increase in good deeds,

And decrease in bad ones?

Did you see the struggle,

Everytime Syaitan tempts me to sin,

The urge was unbearable,

Itching to sin so badly,

But Allah helped me,

To withstand the heaviest of temptations,

That others might see as,

A piece of cake.

Nobody will understand,

The struggle I endured,

You expect big things from me,

To transform from a drug addict,

To a sinless murobbi,

Or a devil to an angel.

You expected big leaps,

When I am only capable of small ones,

Didn't you know that,

Small ones will eventually become,

That big leap you're expecting,

If only;

You give me time,

And a little leap of faith.

The Final Destination

We've sinned!

Says the eyes,

We looked at the haram,

We gazed him and her,

We ogled them,

Hell is your abode!

We should've cried for You,

We should've read the Holy book,

We should've looked at the face;

Of our parents.

Woe to us!

We've sinned!

Says the mouth,

We've sliced people's heart;

With our sharp words,

We've uttered;

The ugliest of words,

Hell is your abode!

We should've said 'Salam',

We should've wetten our tongues;

In the name of;

The Almighty Allah.

Woe to us!

We've sinned!

Says the ears,

We've listened to songs;

Vulgar and horrid are they,

We've listened to backstabbers;

Mockery and insults of others.

Hell is your abode!

We should've listened to 'ilm,

We should've listened to reminders,

We should've listened to the recitations,

Of the Holy Book.

Woe to us!

We've sinned!

Says the heart,

We've imagined the worst,

We've forgotten the One,

We've made Dunya;

Our Ilah,

Hell is you abode!

We should've remembered You,

We should've been thankful,

We should've been humble;

But arrogance exceeded.

Woe to us!

Didn't you see?

What I've given you,

What I've bestowed you,

What I've generously endowed you with?

Why haven't you thought;

Of being thankful,

Of using what's given,

In the cause of Me?

I've given you time,

But you wouldn't repent,

I've given you everything,

But you're blinded,

By the ornaments of dunya.

Indeed,

Ungrateful are they,

Until one fine day,

When Hell;

Is their only way home.

Silence

What can I say,

When you don't believe in me,

When you bury my dreams,

Deep down under the ground.

What can I say,

When you don't believe that I can,

Survive in this world,

And be the best among the best.

I don't know what to say,

As my mind is tarnished,

With words that could sting,

With words that could cease chaos,

So I kept silent.

I don't know what to say,

So I let you stab,

I let you drown me;

In a sea of poison,

That'll make me internally weak.

The Prison

Locked inside,

Caged and tied,

Mouth sealed and arms strapped,

What is this life I'm living;

When I can't say,

When I can't act freely.

Behind the bars,

Of normality,

Of average and blandness,

Of dullness and uninteresting,

Of being another soul,

Stuffed into a body.

As I reach out,

For bizarre and outrageous,

For unqiue and interesting,

For my very own soul,

I get beaten and tortured,

Very badly.

I no longer want to escape,

From the prison of being the same,

Like every inmate,

Who's lost their spark,

Who once knew themselves,

But later too tired to notice.

Let me stay away,

From good productivity,

From positive human capital,

From being outstanding,

From being true and;

From being different.

I Didn't Know

I didn't know that,

You can't share things in life,

Everything has someone's name on it,

And taking what's theirs,

Is considered an offense.

I didn't know that,

Everyone has a favourite,

Elevating one from the others,

Or the others from one,

Without thinking the jealousy and pain endured.

I didn't know that,

People forget,

About others who just want them,

To come by and talk,

And ask 'How are you?'.

I didn't know that,

Wealth and property was crucial,

More than kinship,

More than trust,

More than eternal happiness.

I didn't know all this,

Until I grew up,

Until I finally realized,

Nothing in this world will truly,

Make me happy.

Attention Seeker

I once got all the attention,

The love and affection,

From those who I thought,

Won't depart from my life.

Do you know what's it like;

To grow up and have yourself,

Removed from people's priority list?

And start to think,

That you're just another burden they should carry?

Living alone is solitary confinement,

Lonely and painful,

But I got used to it,

That having a guest at home,

Is odd and unusual for me.

It's funny though,

The guests who rarely comes,

Didn't came for me,

But came to shamelessly ask,

For help; be it necessity or embellishment.

The ones who really needed help,

Are my Dad and I;

We put on our masks,

Carved with fake smiles.

We mused about your presence,

In our home,

The only question running through my mind is;

"You don't care anymore, do you?"

It's Bond, Family Bond.

Vital is kinship,

To grab hold of one another,

To lock the gap;

From anonymity,

From breaking ties,

From rivalry in bloodline,

As no man is an island.

A Mother's Love

Of red roses and dandelions,

Nothing compares with;

A mother's beauty,

For it has a sweet scent,

A fragrance that spreads,

Beyond the horizons,

Of the east and west;

What do they call it?

A mother's love.

The Game

Drained,

Of hurting souls which don't deserve,

Breaking hearts severely,

Stabbing continuously,

Not knowing how delicate,

And fragile it is.

Exhausted,

Of creating destruction,

Devastation and grief to the naive,

Of mercilessly abandoning,

Crushed hearts astray,

In a black hole of hopelessness.

No longer can I see,

No longer can I feel,

No longer can I comprehend,

What love is supposed to be,

Is it a mere gamble of hope;

Or playing safe in the ball game.

Is it okay to hurt,

By loving aimlessly; blindly?

Or is it okay to move on,

By creating scars on hearts;

That love sincerely?

Though I play it safe,

The burden I carry is no less,

Than the pain of being betrayed,

As the thought of;

Dimming people's light,

Extinguishes mine.

I'm lost in the abyss,

The sight of mine slowly blurs,

The light if mine slowly dims,

And the soul of mine;

Slowly dies.

The Strongest Smile :')

Faking a smile,

When everybody you love falls apart,

When everybody hopes that you would heal their scars,

When everybody envies your strength and serenity.

Faking a smile,

When the whole world goes wrong,

When nothing is right the way you want,

When you start to wonder,

Why are you still smiling?

Is it because,

The smile is the only thing,

That keeps you going,

That makes you bear the pain,

That makes you hide yourself,

From what is within.

You're weak,

Forlorn and morbid,

Paranoid and traumatized,

Anguished and regretful,

And sorry.

You kept all the burden,

Under a smile,

Under a laughter,

Though you know,

One day you're going to burst,

You're going to rot,

You're going to say,

"It's time".

Religion, my panacea.

I shake my head,

As i reminisce,

The errors I've made,

The sins I've committed,

With such pride,

In a sad heart.

Help!

My soul cried,

Help!

My heart cried,

As they were starving,

Famished for a cure.

I followed a friend,

Named 'Syaitan',

I befriended a person,

Named 'Nafs',

Every glimpse of satisfaction I felt,

Every pleasure I greed for,

Only made a beggar plead,

His name is 'Fitrah'.

Until a day has come,

When my friends betrayed me,

Because they only wanted to see me fail,

Very, very badly.

So I turned to 'Fitrah',

To get what I need,

To get what will make me,

Eternally happy.

I fell,

And I fell,

Tears streaming down my cheeks,

Tears of guilt and regret.

So I fell down,

Fell so deep,

On my knees,

And on a place,

Known as the 'sajadah'.